Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
