So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
