Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
