He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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