Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
