she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
