you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
