There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
