girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
