yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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