I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
