So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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