i need an iv and a liver transplant
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
