I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
