i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
as a side note pls kill me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
