She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
