I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
