Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
