I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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