Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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