Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
