I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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