Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
