i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
