I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
