she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
