Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
