It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
