if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
