My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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