Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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