My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
