found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
