everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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