i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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