i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
