My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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