when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
