i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
