What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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