Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
