Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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