I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
