We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
