I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were destined to go to rehab together
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
