did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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