He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
