i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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