You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
