Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
