i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
