Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
