How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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