I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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