i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
