How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
