Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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